The lovely Lara Catone, a friend and sexual wellness colleague of mine made a post on my feed yesterday that I felt was important to share to both men and woman! As a Yoga teacher and Sexual wellness educator she was asked to write a piece for a Woman’s Mag about pelvic floor strength and tips on how to get a “tight vagina”. Tho I doubt her response was what they were seeking, his was her important poignant response. I love this woman!
FROM THE VOICE OF THE COLLECTIVE YONI : Lara Catone
First, to deduce the vagina to something that needs to be tight reduces it to something that is only in relationship to a penis. This is an abomination. The vagina is THE human portal of life. Fertile cervical fluid passes through the yoni each month when a woman ovulates with the potential of creation whether this creative energy gives light to her own magnetism and creative expressions or joins with sacred semen to potentiate a new human being on the planet. That human being will then be birthed from the primordial realm into this world through that incredibly elastic, intelligent and expansive organ.
The vagina is inherently strong and flexible. It as at once delicate and incredibly resilient. It’s job is not to be tight, out of all of the ways the vagina is meant to adapt, tightness is not even on the list. This is a twisted cultural construct that again positions vaginas as something that are here for the sole purpose of servicing penises.
If we’re talking about vaginas and sex then we should be talking about them in relation to a woman’s pleasure. There are a million and one ways that a woman enjoys her vagina that don’t include penetration or a man.
The yoni is also an essential part of a woman’s immune system and communicates the status of her foundational health. It’s an organ of intelligence and communicates directly with a woman’s brain, intuition and nervous system. It’s the brilliant gatekeeper of the female body.
Where did this idea of the “tight” vagina even come from? Does it relate to our obsession with tight, fit, firm, slim female bodies that are neat and tucked away? Or is it in relation to providing more sensation for the male member during sexual intercourse?
If we’re talking about how to create more sensation and pleasure during penis in vagina intercourse then the primary conversation we should be having is how the vagina is providing pleasure for its owner.
Nonetheless, I CAN tell you ways to create more sensation and pleasure (which some misguided people might call “tightness”) in the yoni that will make PIV (penis in vagina) sex better!
1. Stop Circumcising Men – The penis would be less desensitized and more sensitive if it weren’t traumatized from the moment of birth. The foreskin has the most nerve endings of all the parts of the penis. The foreskin provides its own sheath for the penis with a brilliant internal slide and glide system. We are destroying the inherently intelligent pleasure system that mother nature created in perfection for men. In spite of the origins of its name, the vagina is not actually a sheath for your sword. You had your own sheath and this was taken from you when you were a helpless infant. (I know it’s totally fucked up and you should be pissed).
2. Get FULLY Aroused – Guess what?!?!? The more aroused you are the better sex feels–for every body! Full arousal takes time and skill. In simple terms the female arousal system is wired slightly different from men’s. Typically, women need quite a bit longer than men to reach full arousal. When women are fully aroused they get engorged, or erect, making their parts feel juicy and GOOD while circulating all kinds of intoxicating hormones through their bodies.
Getting turned on is also a skill. You have to understand (and celebrate) your erotic wiring and what makes you hot. You have to know your body and advocate for your body’s needs, desires and boundaries. You have to know how to make yourself delicious and then make that a practice (so you can be delicious any time you want : ). If you’re a partner to a vagina, learn to listen to her and to FEEL her, ask her what she likes and also know that she is wild and dynamic and changing day to day.
In conclusion, vaginas aren’t meant to be tight (in fact we don’t even know what that means!), they are meant to pulsate in ecstasy from the penetration of universal life force energy while ushering in all things cosmic here on earth.
Lara, Vagina Warrior and Head Fairy in Charge at The Artemis School